English assessment

Walking past the graveyard struck Buvan’s memory of his father and mother deaths, Sooria and Genga. Memories of his family flashed back just like a movie being played, how they used to spend time cooking together in the small kitchen, sitting down warmly having their meals. They were a happy and simple family living in Pulaubinbin. Their family was in good terms with Rathi’s family, Buvan and Rathi grew up together, helping each other when in need. This explains the bonding between the two families. But happy moments did not last for long when the year 1967 arrived. It was filled with sorrows and even until now, Buvan and Rathi could still remember the tragedy scenes and details clearly.

Both of the families Indian, so that explains why they were not given the rights to live in Sri Lanka. They need to know their limits regardless of anything they do in Sri Lanka, and of course, watched their steps carefully. The day arrived, Buvan and Rathi’s family decided to make a trip to the mountain field site near Pulaubinbin to have picnic. They just have to travel over to the mountain field site by a boat, which is not too far away. They thought the picnic would go smoothly, a memorable one. But instead, it turned out to be memorable in other way.

Once they had prepared the things they needed for the picnic, they set off to the lakeside where the boat would come and picked them up. The boat arrived; they went to the near-by bench to pick up their belongings as while they were waiting for the boat, they placed their belongings on the bench and went around for some fresh air. They settled down in the boat when suddenly Buvan exclaimed, “Oh no! We left the picnic mat on the bench, remember?” That’s when Rathi realised, “Yes, we left the picnic mat on the bench. Buvan, why don’t we go back and retrieved it?” Buvan agreed. Just when the both of them have their feets off the boat, the boat sailed off leaving them behind. They have no choice but to wait for the second arrival of the boat to bring them over to the mountain field site.

The boat was still in sight for the both of them, they were sitting at the bench chatting away while waiting for the second arrival of the boat. A loud blast was heard, deafening enough for the both of them, they turned and looked at the lakeside. They could not believed their eyes, a tragedy scene had happened in front of them. The boat was bombed, pieces of the boat flying across the air and sinking into the water. They can’t help but to cry out with tears streaming down their cheeks, “Papa, Mama!” Just a few moments ago, they were still happily with their family, having the thought that they were going to have a nice and enjoyable day at the mountain field site. But now… it turned out to be a tragedy scene instead. They saw two men who were from Tamil tigers leaving from a boat, that’s when they realised the Tamil tigers were behind it, they caused bombing on the boat. They were filled with anger. Buvan clenched his fist and said,” I hate the Tamil tigers! I’m going to join the Sri Lanka army to go against the Tamil tigers!” Buvan’s mind was filled with revenge for his family. Buvan said in his softest tone, “Rathi, you’ll support me to join the Sri Lanka army, right?” Rathi, with eyes as red as bloodshot, still with tears replied, “I’ll support you.” Buvan roared out in anger, " Nothing could bring back the lives of my father and mother back, one day i'll make the Tamil tigers pay back."

Buddy comments: More dialogues and more details. Have more description and show not tell.